Marijuana Medicine My Mitigated Misery
My name is Eliška Krtilová and I am a nineteen year old currently living in Prague. I was born in Brno and spent my early childhood here, until I reached five years of age and my family and I migrated to British Columbia, where I spent the next fourteen years. One month ago I decided to join my dad here in Prague, where we will be residing together for approximately a year. I am now a content creator who specializes in cannabis and nutrition, with a dream to unveil the ways in which cannabis has benefited my life, as well as share stories about how it’s improved and even saved the lives of others.
For twelve years I attended school in a small town known as Penticton, located between two lakes in a valley. During fourth grade I became socially anxious. My struggle to connect with people started out small, but eventually grew to the point where I became somewhat of a recluse. I would constantly avoid social interaction and refused to make friends, which left me feeling miserable and lonely. Despite feeling estranged from my peers, I put no effort into making friends. I was simply too self conscious and afraid to attempt to express myself in any fashion. Due to this I suffered eight ongoing years.
At last when I reached the eleventh grade, I decided to experiment with marijuana. I’d already had some exposure to cannabis as a young child, since my father was using hemp flour for baking and brewing tea with the leaves. After the first time I smoked it I continued to do so on one occasion per month if not less, but once I began to realize its potency in uplifting my spirits, I became infatuated. During that time I was in a deep depression, and I appreciated the pot’s efficiency in putting my psychological struggle to ease.
However, it wasn’t all sunshine and rainbows. Finding the perfect strain, as well as the correct dosage, required a rather lengthy period of trial and error. It wasn’t so much the right strain that was difficult for me to discover; I found one that worked wonders for me almost immediately. It was more so the dosage, as I had a tendency to overdo it. I would often find myself having frightening panic and/or anxiety attacks after smoking far more than what I could tolerate. Despite the occasional fits of anxiety, I found marijuana’s effects to be highly beneficial, so I continued to use it.
Finally, I realized that I had to discover my limit and develop a steady tolerance in order to fully reap the plant’s beneficial aspects. This was very simple; all I did was start small, and slowly built my tolerance up in order to avoid overdoing the dosage. This worked like a charm. Suddenly the plant was giving me all of its benefits, minus the detrimental aspects. I no longer suffered from panic and anxiety attacks, and I enjoyed the way the high would postpone my melancholy.
As if that wasn’t wonderful enough, smoking marijuana also brought back a great sum of my self esteem. Suddenly I was quite talkative again, I could handle navigating crowds, and I did not shy away from people or conversation. My confidence increased, and when I was high, I was never afraid to express myself. I immediately made several new friends, so for the first time in years, I felt a sense of belonging.
When my mom and my teachers found out about my method of self-medication, I faced a great deal of disapproval. They did not understand the ways in which cannabis was assisting me, so they put their all in attempting to stop me from medicating. This had no impact on my use whatsoever; I knew that what I was doing was for my own good and I wouldn’t let anyone’s opinions stop me. I also knew I was not dependent and that eventually I would no longer need it when the time came, but the adults as well as select peers around me did not cease to label me an addict. They would rather have me use pharmaceuticals and visit therapists to combat my depression. For me personally, neither have ever influenced any type of improvement.
It was an ongoing struggle having to hide my daily use of the herb from the members of my household. Attending school while under the influence was a piece of cake however, as not one school administrator had ever noticed I was stoned. Evidently, my use of the herb never caused any trouble. All it was ever accountable for was reminding me what it felt like to be myself, while I was struggling to find the motivation to live.
Naturally, my mom blamed my cannabis use on my plummeting grades, when really my grades started to plummet before I became a frequent user. This was due to the fact I developed other commitments that were secondary to my high school education, such as my own mental health, which I ignored fully up until then. Prior to that I was a straight A+ student.
She would also blame my lack of motivation to accomplish any variety of tasks on my cannabis use, despite the fact that my motivation to do almost anything began diminishing several years prior, due to my worsening depression. She also began inventing new reasons for my use of the plant, since in her eyes my real reasons ceased to make sense. There was nothing she couldn’t come up with to blame on my cannabis use, as well as nothing she couldn’t find a way to blame my cannabis use on.
Ironically, my mother’s efforts to stop me from smoking were entirely counteractive, since the trouble she gave me on a daily basis made me subject to great amounts of stress, which only increased my feelings of melancholy, anger and frustration, causing me to smoke even more. Not to mention the paranoia that resulted in my constant having to hide.
Luckily though, after two and a half years of using cannabis as aid for my anxiety and depression, I was finally seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. I felt it was time to ease my way off, so I began lowering my intake weekly, and by the end of a single month I had stopped using completely. I never felt any withdrawals; there were periods during my two and a half years of frequent cannabis use where I would take breaks for one to two months or weeks, simply because I didn’t feel a need to use, and I never faced any issues. I didn’t need to prove to myself that I was never dependent or addicted, but if anyone else wanted proof that’s what I had to offer.
I ended my daily cannabis use five months ago. These days I smoke the occasional joint, exclusively for my good health. Marijuana allowed me to overcome my anxiety and deal with depression in a way that pharmaceutical pills never could. I am forever grateful for the incredible blessings the miracle plant has brought me.
If there is one thing my testimony could offer this world, I wish it may be to shed light on the true healing qualities of this plant, and erase the stigmas that accompany its consumption. Through the spreading of testimony and knowledge, us past and present ganja smokers must allow the world the privilege to take advantage of the gift that is the marijuana plant.
Forever cannabis enthusiast,